April 01, 2006 - 12:51 a.m.

Like it would never work on you! Peer Pressure

April 01, 2006 - 12:21 a.m.

Freud would say your strongest unconscious conflict stems from events that happened when you were a Toddler.

He would also conclude that relative to others, your personality today is moderately affected by the events of your childhood. It appears that your biggest unconscious conflict that still afflicts you stems from what Freud defined as the anal stage of development that occurred when you were between a year and a half and three years old. Freud would say that this conflict can manifest in your personality by giving you a tendency to be especially orderly or clean, or "retentive." You may also harbor a strong rebellious streak. This normally happens when parents toilet-train a child on some kind of schedule, rather than at the child's natural pace and the child naturally reacts by struggling for their autonomy and the legitimacy of their needs.

March 31, 2006 - 7:32 p.m.

Well damn, finally got the house to myself for a few hours. AHhhhhHHHHhhh.

How pathetic is that? Friday night and I'm all excited about being alone at home. Still, it's nice to have an evening where I just don't have to DEAL with anyone I don't want to... Which is good, because about the only people I would want to be around right now are (at least) several states away.... Buuut, we're not going to spend this entry dwelling on THAt particular subject either.

In good news, I just got approval to attend a training seminar at one of our vendors in mid-May. The reason that's good news is that they're in western North Carolina. Can we say "road trip"? Yes, we can. I've been itching to take one since I got my new car, but I couldn't afford to. Now, I get to take one on the company payroll. Yea! It's probably sad that I'm so looking forward to a business trip, but hell, any excuse to get out of the house, eh?

So, I had one of my weirder dreams last night... Well, ok. It wasn't all that comparitively weird, but it was very vivid and had a new twist. I dreamed I was on a food run with Scott (an old friend I haven't seen in years) and we got chinese food. He got his order first and when I got to my car, he had spilled rice all over the floor... Only when I looked, it wasn't rice. it was maggots. (Maggots, Michael, you're eating maggots. How do they taste?) I got really pissed and started driving home, but suddenly it started snowing severely hard and I was crashing through snowdrifts like a boat goes through waves in the ocean and almost losing control of my car. Then, we saw a snowplow and decided to backtrack down the path it had cleared, only the path took us off of the road and deep into a forest until we came to an old abandoned house. Apparently, we were being horror movie stupid, because we decided to go into the house to wait out the snowstorm. We get inside and there's this chihuahua (yeah, you heard me right... chihuahua) snarling and growling at us. It was regular chihuahua sized, but grossly fat and bloated. Well, Scott freaks and bolts out the door, slamming it behind him and bracing it shut so I can't get out. Then this chihuahua just.... tears me apart... Visciously and in great detail. Rips off my legs, my arms, then disembowels me. Finally, it went for my face and I woke up... and I woke up sore, let me tell you.

Yeah, I'm sure a psycho-trist would have great fun analyzing that one. Sometimes, I just love how my brain is wired.

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March 30, 2006 - 8:25 p.m.

So, is it wrong to be contemplating watching a new tv show merely for it's star?

I mean, the show itself looks fairly stupid, but I've been in lust with Rebecca Romijn since before she played Mystique. After that.... *droooool*

Ahem, anyway... Yeah, not much else to say since I already blogged today. I took a long leisurely drive along the river for my trip home, had a good dinner, and got in all my Illustrator practice early. It's just plain been a good day and I'm gonna end it on a high note. It's been far too angsty around here of late.
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March 30, 2006 - 1:59 p.m.

Yeahhhhh, sometimes life does not suck. I got into the gym this morning after a week off to rest and recuperate. Man, but did it feel good! I seriously missed those endorphins and it totally wiped out the last vestiges of depression. The only bad thing was that my heart rate monitor crapped out on me mid-workout. Now I have to send it to Polaris to get it fixed, so I'll be without my wrist receiver for at least a couple of weeks. It would be so bad, but I find the machines at the gym never give accurate measurments of how many calories I burn. They only record time spent on the machine and don't factor in body mass like my monitor does. Ah well, I can cope for a couple of weeks, can't I?

It's another beautiful day out, so it was tunes blastin' and top down going into work again. I don't think I will ever own a non-convertible again... assuming, of course, I have a choice in the matter. Those top down drives are just too good to give up. I can't wait for the weather to get warm enough to put it down at night. Something about driving under the stars just makes me feel alive. Now I just need a nubile female passenger to make everything complet.... Preferably one with an oral fixation >.o

As an added bonus, we're gonna be closing up the shop two hours early due to Spring. Gotta love when the boss suggests that! So, I'll get to enjoy some extra sunshine time.

Yep, yep, feelin' all kinds of better today n____n

March 30, 2006 - 5:47 a.m.

A little funny from Courting Disaster

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March 29, 2006 - 7:46 p.m.

Ahhhhhhh, that helped. We had sunshine and warm weather today, so I was able to put the top down, turn up my music to unhealthy levels, and rorar down the highway at about 100 mph. I swear, work was lucky I don't have enough money in my bank account to actually get anywhere or I might have just continued going West. I'm definitely feeling the desire just to blow everything the hell off and do something nuts..... Buuuut, I'm playing the part of a responsible adult these days, so I'm not going to do that, am I? ..... Am I?

Flah, it's just an early case a spring fever, I suppose, coupled with general dissatisfaction with my life.... Though, as I've said before, I don't have much reason to be dissatisfied. What I NEED is patience. Time and consistant effort will get me where I want to be.

Yeah, so suck it up and keep fuckin' going....

March 29, 2006 - 8:38 a.m.

March 27, 2006 - 7:57 p.m.

Occasionally, I realize just how much I need to get over myself, when it's brought home just how small the problems in my life are in the scheme of things. As I said before, I was in a funk, feeling down about being sick, and just being generally pissy. Then, I get a call from my friend out in California. Her mom was spending Sunday visiting relatives and her dad wanted her to come over to keep him company and fix him dinner. Because of things that happened in the past, things that aren't mine to share, my friend is absolutely terrified to spend an afternoon alone with her father. I comforted and calmed her, then spent a long time convincing her that a grown man is perfectly capable of fending for himself for one evening and that putting her own health and safety ahead of her father getting a home cooked meal didn't make her a bad person.... Then she asked me in a wistful and childlike voice, "What's it like to be strong?" This woman has a talent for asking me questions that just shake me to my core. She wanted to know what it's like to be strong enough that nobody can ever force you to do something you don't want to do..... How am I supposed to answer that?.... I tried to tell her that it's not just about physical strength, that there are ways to defend yourself even when someone is much bigger and stronger than you. I tried to explain what a woman's best options were to stop a man cold long enough for her to get away and get help. I tired and she said to me, "But I don't want to hurt anyone.".....Gods, but I've never understood that attitude. I don't enjoy hurting people, but if someone is trying to do harm to me or to someone I care about, I will not hesitate to eviscerate them. I will break bones, gouge eyes, or do whatever it takes to make sure it's the OTHER guy bleeding on the ground and not me..... But I am also not female, all of 5' 2", and I didn't learn at much too early an age that fighting is futile and it's better to give in so it's over quicker....

Yeah, so that certainly puts having a cold and not having any time to myself in perspective, doesn't it?
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March 27, 2006 - 2:04 p.m.

March 26, 2006 - 7:42 p.m.

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh, and the greatness which does not bow before children. -Kahlil Gibran
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Well, it hasn't been a good weekend. Being sick has also driven me into a funk. I've found that inactivity does that, but I feel completely exhausted, so exercising is out of the question. I try to draw, but I can't concentrate. All weekend, it's just been sleep, eat, and watch TV.... Which is not exactly productive and puts me down on myself. Flah, tomorrow I'm getting up and five and going to the gym if I have to drag myself with my lips. If rest won't make me feel better, then I'll burn the fucking sickness out with exercise and hot steam. I've had enough of laying around and feeling miserable.

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March 26, 2006 - 10:39 a.m.

Ok, here's my workout summary for 03/19/06 through 03/25/06:

< <

Exercise	Days	Time spent	Miles/Weight	Lbs Burned
---------	------	---------	---------	---------
Rotex	2 Days	1.3 Hours	2.7 Miles	0.5 Lbs
Stairmaster	3 Days	0.9 Hours	0.4 Miles	0.2 Lbs
Treadmill	3 Days	1.9 Hours	5.8 Miles	0.4 Lbs
Weight Lifting	1 Day	0.8 Hours	48076 pounds	0.2 Lbs
TOTALS	3 Days	4.9 Hours	8.8 Miles	1.2 Lbs

So, it was another so-so week workout-wise. I was doing well in the beginning of the week then, *bam* I got sick again. For those keeping track, that's three times in six weeks. I don't know what's up with that. I'm eating healthy, taking my vitamins, and getting enough rest, yet I've gotten sick more in the past month and a half than I have all last year. Are there more germs in Phillipsburg than Piscataway or what? Anyway, I had an average Physical Index of 16 mainly because I did more cardio than lifting. As for my Caloric intake, I burned 26003 calories and I ate 22022 calories worth of food for a net total of -3981 calories. That would tanslate to 1.1 pounds of bodyfat burned. Not nearly what I wanted it to be, but better than nothing. Being sick makes me crave comfort food, so Friday and Saturday killed my numbers. I'm giving myself all weekend to recuperate, then Monday, I'm going to kick some ass at the gym. I will beat myself in shape despite myself, I fuckin' swear.

And that's this week's fat stats.
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